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The Wonton Way

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Wonton Way Visits the Autoshow



Every year, the Wonton Way's home city hosts an event where a multitude of car manufacturers lug massively expensive displays into the convention center, plaster those displays with focus-grouped slogans, and begin handing out glossy brochures with pictures of their cars climbing the Himilayas, fording streams, and cruising along unnaturally curvy roads in Southern California. They ship these brochures by the truckload, and force them on every unsuspecting soul who happens by; if you ranked major threats to our nation's forests, the Philadelphia Autoshow would definately be in the top 5.

This weekend, we at the Wonton Way attended the show. Arming ourselves with flimsy plastic bags issued by Chevrolet, we managed to gather, trick-or-treat style, more than 10 pounds of glossy pamphlets!




Although this is a formidable accomplishment in and of itself, we didn't stop there. We also performed several imporant experiments and came up with some exciting ways to amuse ourselves. Here's a few photos from Wonton Way's day at the Autoshow:


We ponder the plaguing question: "How difficult would it really be to make off with a floormat?"

We discover, with much dismay, that someone had the audacity to steal Wonton Way's color.


A member of the Wonton Way crew tests the head-crushing potential of the H2.

We test the hypothesis that Hummers are heavy

Although we spent a good deal of time taking pictures of ourselves, we at the Wonton Way also thought about you, our readers. Here's a list of fun things to try if the Autoshow ever comes to your town:

  1. Stand on the rear bumper of a large SUV, and frantically jump up and down. When questioned, explain that you are "testing the bounce"
  2. Examine the grill of a large American car, and discuss in a loud voice how effectively it would dispatch hippies
  3. Get on the floor and crawl underneath a Ford pickup truck. You'll fit.
  4. Put a manual car into neutral and see how far you can push it before you're asked to leave the premises
  5. Find a car with the hood open, point at random parts of the engine, and make manly comments implying that you have some clue what you're looking at: "There's the (sprocket, alternator, drive train, wheel wells, ejector-seat mechanism)"
  6. Use the headlights to flash Morse-code message to passers by

After wandering around the show for 5 hours, and consuming several $4 smoothies made from nonexistant fruits (i.e. the Bananaberry), we at the Wonton Way headed home. However, we will be back next year; there will be new cars to be bounce-tested, there will be new adventures to be had, and after all, with winters as cold as they've been, one can never have too much glossy kindling.

15 Comments:

  • This post has been removed by the author.

    By iDizzle, at 2:51 PM  

  • Why is it that the gentleman in the third picture looks as though he is strung out on crack?

    By iDizzle, at 2:53 PM  

  • This post has been removed by the author.

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 12:38 PM  

  • I think that your Ideas on irritating Corperations is great! I will have to try thes various tricks at the next May Fair when I go to Butte MT. To those of you out there named marcus, I say:"Zeppelin Rules!" Also, off topic, You should visit http://www.legendaryfrog.net/heavy/index.htm for many stupid movies and comments.

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 12:42 PM  

  • I like pie.

    By Carpe Diem, at 7:44 PM  

  • I also enjoy pie...

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 12:50 PM  

  • Carpe Diem smells like fish!

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 12:29 PM  

  • Bite me, Captain. Bite me.

    By Carpe Diem, at 3:39 PM  

  • The Weekly Opprobrium:

    For the paucity of brave souls who have verbally attacked me; I’m letting this one slide. Only because the STEELERS HAVE WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!
    LET THE TERRIBLE TOWLS WAVE THROUGH THE AIR.

    Big Ben pulled through in the very end leading the Steelers to a 21-10 win over the Seattle Seahawks. Sorry Mike Holmgren, but the Seahawks are no 97 Green Bay Packers. For those ignant muthas who didn’t know, Mike Holmgren was the coach of the Green Bay Packers in the nineties. Under his command they won the Super Bowl in 97 and returned to the Super Bowl in 98 only to loose to John Elway and the Broncos. Bill Cower, a native of Pittsburgh, finally got to bring home a Super Bowl trophy. Congrats man. Now onto business.

    If you are going to say some thing about me, say it to my face, or just make up a name on the blog so I can verbally abuse you/make a lot of awkward passes. Don’t worry, I wont not be hacking your computer and not not exposing embarrassing photos of you over the internet.

    Now that’s settled, Idizzle you pretentious….suck face. You think you are so cool with your claiming to be supreme and your cool slang name…and your ………….reproductive organs. Well I have news for you idizzle your not. I don’t like it when you make fun of me because it
    _______________
    hurts my feelings, and I would
    _________________
    like it if you would stop.

    Now I have to go back to work. I am a surreptitious, furtive, clandestine working W.A.S.A (WontonWay Autocratic Spy Association)Where I suppress free thinking and joy.

    Go Steelers, may the steel curtain rise again
    -Shizam The Llama

    By Shizam The Llama, at 6:10 AM  

  • Up yours, Carpe Diem!

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 11:06 AM  

  • There sure are a lot of deleted comments on here. I would also like to say that all gentlemen in all pictures on this page look like they're strung out on crack. Just, clarifying. And to make this comment somewhat relevent, I like pie.

    By shutterfly, at 7:30 PM  

  • Yay, Pie!

    By The Jammin' Captain, at 12:59 PM  

  • But specificly, the man in the third picture looks like he has been strung out on crack... among other things...

    By iDizzle, at 6:24 PM  

  • Pie is the single most relevant thing in the world today. Nothing even comes close... Mmmmmmmm... Pie... Excuse me, I have to go drool.

    By Carpe Diem, at 3:32 PM  

  • jeez, i actually thought the guy in the 3rd pic was kinda cute...

    By modern girl, at 10:09 PM  

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