Wonton Way Visits the Autoshow
Every year, the Wonton Way's home city hosts an event where a multitude of car manufacturers lug massively expensive displays into the convention center, plaster those displays with focus-grouped slogans, and begin handing out glossy brochures with pictures of their cars climbing the Himilayas, fording streams, and cruising along unnaturally curvy roads in Southern California. They ship these brochures by the truckload, and force them on every unsuspecting soul who happens by; if you ranked major threats to our nation's forests, the Philadelphia Autoshow would definately be in the top 5.
This weekend, we at the Wonton Way attended the show. Arming ourselves with flimsy plastic bags issued by Chevrolet, we managed to gather, trick-or-treat style, more than 10 pounds of glossy pamphlets!
Although this is a formidable accomplishment in and of itself, we didn't stop there. We also performed several imporant experiments and came up with some exciting ways to amuse ourselves. Here's a few photos from Wonton Way's day at the Autoshow:
We ponder the plaguing question: "How difficult would it really be to make off with a floormat?"
We discover, with much dismay, that someone had the audacity to steal Wonton Way's color.
A member of the Wonton Way crew tests the head-crushing potential of the H2.
We test the hypothesis that Hummers are heavy
Although we spent a good deal of time taking pictures of ourselves, we at the Wonton Way also thought about you, our readers. Here's a list of fun things to try if the Autoshow ever comes to your town:
- Stand on the rear bumper of a large SUV, and frantically jump up and down. When questioned, explain that you are "testing the bounce"
- Examine the grill of a large American car, and discuss in a loud voice how effectively it would dispatch hippies
- Get on the floor and crawl underneath a Ford pickup truck. You'll fit.
- Put a manual car into neutral and see how far you can push it before you're asked to leave the premises
- Find a car with the hood open, point at random parts of the engine, and make manly comments implying that you have some clue what you're looking at: "There's the (sprocket, alternator, drive train, wheel wells, ejector-seat mechanism)"
- Use the headlights to flash Morse-code message to passers by
After wandering around the show for 5 hours, and consuming several $4 smoothies made from nonexistant fruits (i.e. the Bananaberry), we at the Wonton Way headed home. However, we will be back next year; there will be new cars to be bounce-tested, there will be new adventures to be had, and after all, with winters as cold as they've been, one can never have too much glossy kindling.