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The Wonton Way

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Welcome to Wonton Way's Shiny New Blog!

First, let us explain why we chose to start a blog. The principle reason is simple; we are very lazy. Updating the website requires downloading files (which sometimes takes upwards of 5 seconds), editing those files, inserting Google ads into those files, and then putting those files back onto our webserver, which sometimes gets bored and plays a trick whereby it hides chunks of the website in the deep recesses of its harddrive where no human being would ever think to look (This is probably because the webserver is located in New Jersey. If you were located in New Jersery, you'd get bored too). Now, instead of dealing with our webserver, we can randomly throw things into the blog, which inserts the Google ads for us. Imagine the efficiency!

Also, the blog has all sorts of cool features we'd have to pay for if we included them in the website. For example, you can click the little "Comment" button after any of our posts and make a comment, which we will later delete. Talk about interactivity! In addition, you can link to the blog, or use the RSS feeds to connect to it from your mobile phone. Isn't technology grand?

Now that we've expanded our sphere of influence into the realm of new media, we'd like to make you a few promises, just so you know where we stand.

First, we'd like to make the solemn promise that the blog will never degrade to the level of a MySpace or Xanga. We will never, for any reason, post Brighteyes lyrics, poetry, or those little quizzes that tell you what kind of dog you are. We will also shy away from cameraphone pictures of ourselves desperately trying to look dark and mysterious. Finally, we promise never to change the title of the blog to a little rhetorical question like "Is there a purpose?" or "If I died, would anyone care?" We don't like being deep and thoughtful; we like blowing stuff up.

Lastly, we promise that this blog will not replace the normal site. It will simply act as a compliment to the usual Wonton Way, because, as much as blogging represents the future of publishing and the internet as we know it, we still can't help but feel that the website is, in some special, inexpressible, enigmatic way, far more profitable.


  • You guys are awesome. I look forward to reading the utter pointlessness that will be your blog!

    By Anonymous, at 9:03 AM  

  • YAY! I enjoy pointless destruction and have partaken in it myself. Keep up the complete and total stupidity, Guys!

    By Anonymous, at 12:30 PM  

  • wow i remember when you started this website and i really wanted to be a part of it, but you and your cousin wouldn't let me, so i peed in his bushes, and to think we now have a blog. My question is when the hell are you getting me my gift certificate to that chinese restaurant for winning that contest. eh...

    - Web master (hehe, like i do any of that stuff) Captain Crunch

    By Anonymous, at 7:22 PM  

  • This post has been removed by the author.

    By Shizam The Llama, at 7:28 PM  

  • The Weekly Opprobrium:
    Hello, and let me introduce my self. I am Shizam the Llama. If you have not heard of me, I can only fathom several theorems to this archaic anomaly.

    Theorem A)
    You are a recluse, a shameful social pariah. One who lives in his mother’s basement only to arise to eat funions and chex mix. You are confused by silly words such as flibbertigibbet and faux pas. But since you are reading this, one of two things may have occurred. 1: You have ascended out of the basement, where sunlight blinds your eyes, you hiss, then sprint to the nearest computer, out of breath you quickly turn on the interweb and go on the wonton way where you stumble upon this great blog. 2: You haven’t risen from your underground lair in days, maybe even months. You search for the end of the internet; during your long and arduous search you found this amazing, funny and witty web blog. For those who fall under this category I point my left index finger at you, then place my right index finger perpendicular to the left index finger, then move the right index finger forward across the left index finger repeatedly. Signifying “shame on you”

    Theorem B)
    You are a dirty stinking draft dodging liberal scum. You walk the earth wearing sandals and tie dye t-shirts. (Capped words written backwards in fear of smotting) You godless heathens believe NOITROBA should be legal, you believe GNIMRAW LABOLG exists, and that POH PIH is actually music. Again For those who fall under this category I point my left index finger at you, then place my right index finger perpendicular to the left index finger, then move the right index finger forward across the left index finger repeatedly. Again signifying “shame on you”

    Theorem C)
    You live either in the Soviet Union or Kansas. Neither of which exist, the Soviet Union broke up…..DAM YOU YOKO ONO!!!!!!!! And Kansas is simply the butt of many jokes.

    Please continue to read this weekly post and “God Bless America”
    -Shizam the Llama

    By Shizam The Llama, at 7:45 PM  

  • i hate shizam the llama

    By Anonymous, at 1:30 PM  

  • Congratulations, Wontonway. You are the 1,711,275 most visited webpage in the world. That's not bad when you consider there are literally billions of webpages. For one with as little effort expelled as yours, being in the top 2 million is pretty good.

    By Anonymous, at 6:40 PM  


    "Well this sucks!"

    By wontonwayrox! (aka jonovox), at 12:05 AM  

  • Hey wontonway. This is your biggest fan. I am glad u got a blog. My all time fave game is definately the Helicopter Game. I love how you guys are so pointless and don't have any meaning on your whole site. So, i hope u keep on making more games and more posts for your blogs. Thank u for making this site.

    By tia, at 12:42 PM  

  • Hello everyone.

    I am the Dizzle, and I am supreme. If you do not agree, then I shall be forced to fight you, and the battle shall be at least three times as epic as the entire lord of the rings trilogy. Only the wontonway can actually rival my power.

    If threatned, I will recite, "And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

    At that point, I will go Samuel L. Jackson on you. Shizam!

    And those, my friends, are the reasons why the wontonway are awesome beyond the comprehension of human thought. May the Force be with them!


    By iDizzle, at 2:47 PM  

  • This post has been removed by the author.

    By Shizam The Llama, at 9:34 AM  

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